What Happened When I was Young
by Ryua Malfoy
Summary: Remus is one of the sweetest, gentlest guys in the school. Unfortunately for him, he's also the most violent and bloodthirsty. His best friends are really quite his opposite, and so deep down, he's lonely.
1. Remus Gets Caught

Someday, I will own something of great value. This will not be Harry Potter, as J K Rowling already owns it.  
  
The idea came into my head, and I couldn't get it out. If you do not like slash, do not read it. That's all I have to say.  
  
Remus Gets Caught  
  
"Knock it off, will you?" Remus growled from his desk, nose buried in the textbook. It was a full moon that night, and as a result, Remus was not in the best of moods.

Peter stifled his fanatic giggling and James and Sirius laid down their rolls of parchment, which had two seconds ago been used as swords. "You are a real grump, you know that?" Sirius asked.

Remus sighed. Although he had been friends with the three of them for three years now, ever since they came to Hogwarts in fact, they really could be irritating. And ignorant, although Remus preferred it that way. The last thing he needed was his best, and only, friends discovering he turned into a bloodthirsty, horrific monster once a month. Well, better give them some other reason... "Sorry, I haven't eaten today..."

"Haven't eaten?" James' look was incredulous. "At breakfast, you polished off eighteen pancakes, twenty sausages, at least a full platter of bacon, a dozen eggs..."

_Oops..."_I meant since then." Luckily for Remus, Sirius also ate an incredible amount very frequently, although that was just because he seemed determined to be as tall as Hagrid someday. He accepted Remus' pathetic lie and turned back to his work, just as Professor McGonnagal shot them a glare for talking in her class.

The sad thing was, Remus _was_ hungry again. One byproduct of lycanthropy seemed to be an insatiable appetite, as although he ate more than even Sirius, he was almost a head shorter, and lighter built than James. He was having trouble focusing on the board; luckily it was only a few minutes until lunch.

As soon as they were released from Transfiguration, Remus couldn't help himself. He led the charge to the Great Hall, sliding in to place next to some other third-years. He was always assured a place next to the girls because Sirius and James were always close by. The girls couldn't care less about him, which suited Remus just fine. More time to eat. It was always worst today, especially a craving for meat. Although it didn't really have an effect on his transformation, Remus always held the hope that if he ate enough cooked meat, he'd have less craving for it later, raw, steaming, right off the bone...

"Man, Remus, you're just wolfing it down today."

He choked at Peter's choice of words, then swallowed, reassuring himself it was just a coincidence. "I'm hungry, that's all. Are you planning on eating all those potatoes?" Even food Remus didn't normally enjoy became acceptable on the full moon. Sirius challenged him to an eating contest, which Remus cheerfully accepted, barely stopping to nod. The other two just watched in disgust as they plowed their way through half the table's food.

"You really should have just given up after that last chicken, Sirius." The black-haired boy, normally so dignified and cool, was leaning on James' shoulder, looking rather bloated and trying to keep his food down. Remus, on the other hand, just casually reached over and picked up a strawberry tart. "Desert, Sirius?" he asked in a sweet, innocent voice. He chuckled as Sirius turned many shades of green, and ate the tart himself, slipping a few cookies into his pocket for later.

Potions. Definitely the coldest, darkest class in the entire school. Not to mention one of the most difficult. And the fact that the head of Slytherin taught it didn't help much either. Professor Shale, a coldly beautiful, 40 year old witch always favored her students, especially when they were up against the so-despised Gryffindor. Luckily, she was a pureblood, being in Slytherin, and so was good friends with Sirius' family, so whichever of them got Sirius as a partner got a much better class. Although that wasn't really likely to keep that way for long. Sirius had started to rebel against his family, not really wanting to become a Death Eater, and it was likely he'd move out this summer. As a thirteen-year-old wizard, that meant he'd probably be moving in with James or Remus.

"Well, look over there. It's our favorite Slytherin!"

Remus looked over. _Oh, it's poor Snape again..._ and the teacher wasn't there quite yet. Remus couldn't understand why James and Sirius hated him so much, but wasn't about to risk their friendship by asking. Instead, he just looked away, pulling out his books and quills. Luckily for Snape, Professor Shale walked in before anything bad could happen. She started the lecture, as everyone quickly found their seats. They were to brew a shrinking charm, she said, and gestured with her wand at the board. The ingredient list flowed across the board in precise, orderly script. "Okay Remus," James said, "The only things we don't have are mandrake leaves and Monkshood. Would you go grab them? I'll start brewing the armadillo bile..."

Remus went to get up, then sat back down with a bump. Peter had just come back from the student cupboard carrying the same herbs for Sirius. What the Professor had neglected to mention was that Monkshood was the same thing as Wolfsbane. If he so much as touched that stuff, he'd break out in nasty hives for a good week at least.

"Er, James, Why don't you get it instead?"

"What? Why can't you? I've got this bile started already..."

"...Because I'm allergic to it." Remus tried to keep a nonchalant face as James looked oddly up at him.

"...Okay." James walked off, thankfully not pushing any farther. Remus breathed out a sigh of relief, and started to mince up mint for the potion with a stainless steel knife. Silver was the most common knife for Potions, but was something else he couldn't touch. Remus just hoped his friends weren't too observant of all his little quirks. _Well,_ he reasoned, _if they haven't found out by now, maybe they just won't..._

"Did you know Remus is allergic to wolfsbane?" James asked as he, Sirius, and Peter climbed up to the Gryffindor Tower. Remus had gone up early after supper.

"Really?" Sirius looked down at him. "He's allergic to a lot of stuff, isn't he? Wolfsbane, silver, garlic, peanuts..."

"Maybe he's a werewolf!" Peter piped up from behind them.

"Werewolves aren't allergic to peanuts."

"No, but I've never heard of someone with an allergy to silver..." James trailed off thinking.

"And he's always getting sick once a month!"

"You can't really be thinking our Remus Lupin is a werewolf." Sirius said as they got up to the Fat Lady. "Maple Syrup!" She swung inward, revealing Remus scribbling down the rest of what appeared to be a Charms essay. "Hey, Remus! Guess what these two jokers thought up! Apparently, you're the resident werewolf, isn't that hilarious?"

What none of them were prepared for was the way Remus jumped, knocking his roll of parchment onto the floor. His head snapped around, and he stared at them with eyes akin to those of a trapped animal. "Er, yeah... yeah, really funny guys. What a bunch of kidders..." He shuffled all his books and escaped parchments into a sloppy pile. "Listen, guys, I have to go..."

"Go? Go where?" James stood solidly in front of the portrait hole.

Remus licked his lips and looked out the window at the darkening sky. "Just, just for a walk..."

"Nuh uh. You're acting too weird. Are you off to visit a girl or something?" Trust Sirius to come up with that idea immediately.

"Yes! Yes, that's exactly where I'm going, and if you don't get out of the way I'm going to be late..." Starting to get desperate now, Remus began to push between his friends.

They braced into a three-man barricade, not at all willing to let him go. "No. You are going to tell us what's going on, Remus. We're your friends."

"Listen to me, you don't understand... I have to get out of here, now!"

"Why?"

"We won't let you go until you tell us."

"You can trust us, Remus."

"No, no I have to get out..." he frantically looked back at the window, which showed just the first hints of moonlight on the clouds. _I've only got about a minute left..._ "Get away from that portrait, please, I don't want to hurt anyone."

"Hurt anyone?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Dammit, Sirius, James, Peter, I'm going to... please, I've only got a few seconds to get out of the school..."

"Well, come on then!" James swung the portrait back open. Remus, not having any choice left, bolted. The three tore after Remus, who was running through the corridors at an incredible rate.

"When did he get so bloody fast?"

"I don't know, quit wasting my breath." Sirius replied. Peter started to drop behind by the second set of stairs, and Sirius by the time they hit the main floor. James, thanks to his quidditch training, managed to keep fairly close. He was completely astounded at how Remus, with his non-athletic body and shorter legs could outrun him like this. Remus slammed into the main doors, wrenching them open with astonishingly little effort. James darted through before the heavy things closed, then wished he hadn't.

On the grounds, Remus was moving towards the Whomping Willow. Although it was only three years old, it was twelve feet tall, and extremely dangerous. What really terrified James wasn't Remus' destination, but Remus himself. His figure stumbled, fell to the ground, then pushed up back into view.

Sirius squeezed through the door behind James, and shrunk back against the oak frame. Remus was changing, twisting, morphing as he ran in an increasingly animal-like lope across the field. A high-pitched sound, somewhere between a howl and a scream carried to them on the night wind just as Peter joined them at the door. "Wha-" he started to say as James' hand covered his mouth.

"Not so loud." James whispered.

"Oh, oh my, I think I might be sick..." Sirius was turning an odd shade of green again as he watched his friend twisting into some nightmarish form as he ran.

"That sound... he's hurting. Really bad." Peter whimpered from behind James' cloak. They all stood, not moving, as the werewolf that had been their friend less than a minute ago dove underneath the whipping branches of the Willow.

"There has to be something we can do." James said, still horrified by the transformation. "He tried so hard to protect us, to get away from the school..."

"There's no cure for Lycanthropy." Sirius shuddered. "No wonder he's been so strange every full moon. I don't know how he's managed to stay sane so long..."

"M-Maybe we should all go back inside!" Peter obviously didn't want to stay outside when there was a werewolf around, and James privately admitted he was probably right.

"Okay. But we're waiting up for him, agreed?" he said as they started the long trip back up to their common room.

"Yeah, maybe. But, he won't be human again until morning right? Maybe we should all go get him once the moon sets."

"Are you sure it'll be safe?" Peter was still nervous, even back indoors.

"Of course! Remus is..."

"Not so loud, idiot! D'you want to get us caught?"

"Remus is our friend," James repeated, quieter this time. "Just because he's got a tail doesn't' change that."

"You can stay if you really want to, Peter, but we're going." Apparently, Peter was more terrified at being alone in the dormitory when Remus came back. He agreed to go along, as long as they brought their wands and James' cloak.

"You might not come up with a lot of ideas, Peter, but the ones involving not getting eaten? Those you do just fine." Sirius grinned back at the short boy, who seemed exceedingly pleased to be paid a compliment.


	2. Remus Gets Found

Someday, I will own something of great value. This will not be Harry Potter, as J K Rowling already owns it.  
  
Remus Gets Found  
  
Peter's alarm clock woke them up at 4:00 AM. Or rather, it woke up James, who threw a balled up sock at Peter and shoved Sirius out of bed. "Come on," he muttered, shutting off the annoying clock before it woke the entire house. "We have to go."

"s' too early..." Sirius grumbled as he attempted to crawl back into his nice, warm bed.

"Get up, you lazy sod! We have to go get Remus!"

Sirius jerked upright. "Oh, right, Remus... alright, moving..." Peter, not wanting to be tossed out of his bed too was already struggling into his robes. Since they didn't know how long this would take, they figured they had better be wearing their own school robes already. Making sure they all had their wands easily attainable, they headed out, James carrying his cloak, and Sirius having grabbed a semi-clean pair of Remus' robes.

"Why is he still up?" Sirius hissed as they all cowered in an alcove under the cloak. Filch was slinking by, followed by Mr. Norris, his faithful cat. It was rumored that he bred that particular breed of scabby cat with lamp- like eyes, and drowned all but one of the kittens, which became his new night companion when the old one died.

"Trying to catch people like us, of course."

"There are no people like us." Trust Sirius to be anything but.

"Oh, be quiet you two, that cat's coming closer..." Peter hated cats, although the other three agreed with him about this particular feline. They held their breaths, and eventually Mr. Norris got bored and padded down the corridor.

"Good thing we woke up so early, we just wasted half an hour." Sirius grumbled as they finally slipped outside.

"Yeah, well, I bet we're about to waste another trying to get in that tree." James appeared to be right. A nimble, fast-healing werewolf could easily manage the whipping branches, but a trio of sleepy teenage boys hardly could match the feat.

Half an hour later, they _were_ all nursing bruises and willow cuts, glaring balefully at the tree. A typical boy, James picked up a rock and threw it, cursing, at the tree. None of them expected the flailing limbs to freeze. "Good job, mate!" Sirius congratulated him. "Look, you dented the stupid thing too."

"Now, let's go before it wears off, okay?" You had to hand it to Peter, he was good at coming up with ideas that involved him avoiding injury. They ran down through a hole in the roots, coming upon a stone staircase.

"Weird. Where do you think this goes?"

"It's leading towards Hogsmeade, I think. It's hard to tell underground." They trudged along for about twenty minutes before they came to another staircase, wooden this time, winding upwards. With a glance at each other, the boys climbed up, following the unmistakable wolf-prints in the dirt and dust.

"This is the Shrieking Shack!" Sirius said as they came to a window that looked out on the distant village of Hogsmeade just starting to be bathed in the rising sun.

Peter squeaked. "The Shrieking Shack? B-But, it's haunted..."

"No it isn't, nitwit. The people have just been hearing Remus these past three years, remember, that's when the rumors started about ghosts." James said.

"Shh!" Sirius hit James' shoulder. "D'you hear that?" A strange sound came from the floor above them, like heavy, labored breathing.

"It's Remus, he's going to eat us..."

"No he isn't, look, the sun's up. Come on." James led the way up another staircase, pushing open a rather broken door. In the middle of the floor, surrounded by broken furniture and bloody splinters of wood lay Remus clothed in the rags that were once his robes, taking deep, shuddering breaths. "Remus, Remus, it's us..." Remus spun around, still on all fours, fear in his eyes.

It didn't seem to calm him any to see his friends standing there, either. "What are you doing here? Get out!" he yelled hysterically.

"Remus, chill, it's just us..."

"No, it's not safe here, you have to go..."

"Remus! Listen to me. It's fine. The sun's up, we just got here, everything's alright, okay?" Remus slumped to the floor, panting.

It was then that Peter noticed the blood, and the source of it. "Aaahh! Remus, you're bleeding!"

"What?" he looked down at his hands. Sure enough, there were numerous deep scratches running down his arms, matching ones on his legs, and through a few rents in the rags covering his back, they could see long gashes, slowly weeping blood.

"Oh, Remus, we have to get you to Madam Pomfrey, those look really bad..."

"No, no they're fine, they'll be almost completely gone in about an hour... one of the few good things about being a werewolf," he looked up at his friends, all of whom were rather pale-faced standing in the doorway. "What were you thinking?" he snapped, "I could have killed you, or bitten you..." he broke off with a shudder.

"No, we made sure to come up after the sun rose. And we've got my cloak and all our wands..."

"It was still a stupid thing to do." Sirius grinned at that. It was a watery, faintly nauseous grin, but it was there. "Well of course! Since when have we done anything smart?"

It was a lame joke, but it managed to get everyone a bit more relaxed. "Feel up to going back to the school yet? Classes start in like, half an hour." James was somehow still thinking in reality.

"Half an hour? Wonderful. I can't attend classes like this." Remus gestured at his bloody, very revealing robes. "Tell Flitwick I feel sick, he'll underst..."

"We're way ahead of you, man!" Sirius tossed him the bundle of school robes.

"I really don't deserve any of you."

"Hah! Where would we be without our one sane friend?"


	3. Remus Gets Companions

Someday, I will own something of great value. This will not be Harry Potter, as J K Rowling already owns it.  
  
I am going on vacation for a week. I really don't remember if my aunts have Internet, or if they have a word processor I can upload from either, so it could be a while before anything gets done.  
  
Remus Gets Companions  
  
Remus sighed as he put down his quill and got up to leave. The only good thing about _Christmas full moons,_ he reflected, _is that there aren't so many people to avoid._ Although now that he was a prefect, he was actually allowed out at night, something a lot nicer than sneaking out illegally. This didn't make him any more willing to go outside, as Remus hated the snow. Well, maybe not hated, but it made transformation just that much more uncomfortable. You'd think that having your body twisted into an unnatural shape, coupled with the overwhelming desire to rend flesh, even your own, would be enough, but no. No, nature had to add cold and wet to the mix. Wonderful.

What he didn't know was that his friends were following, stuffed under James' cloak. Actually, they weren't as stuffed as usual, as one of them was small. Quite small. Rodent-sized small. For that matter, he _was_ a rodent. Finally, five days ago, after two years practice, they had all managed to attain anamagi forms for the first time. Unless you counted the time Sirius had to walk around with a tail all day hidden under his robes, or Peter was stuck with whiskers, or James was tottering around on hooves glued into his shoes.

Tonight, however, they were ready. It had actually worked out quite well, with the full moon falling on Christmas Eve. They had all decided to give Remus the present of his life. Friends, companions, whatever you wanted to call it, full time. Full moon time, to be exact. They had deduced, after an awful lot of reading, that werewolves couldn't bite (or more precisely, infect) other animals. There were no rat-wolves, for example. So now, they had decided that maybe anamagi wouldn't be affected either. They hoped.

They waited until Remus had poked the freezing knot on the tree (the one James had found by accident in the third year) and gone inside before they followed him across the grounds. One of the main ideas with having Peter as such a small creature would be that they wouldn't have to risk life and limb to hit the knot. It was a lot harder to hit a rat...

Especially one as jumpy as Peter. He was extremely good at dodging things, and managed to scramble up to the knot in record time, allowing the two boys to dart in before it regained consciousness. Once through the tight space in the roots, James and Sirius both transformed. It was a bit rocky, and Sirius had to really concentrate on losing the human feet, but they both managed to become rather large, hopefully werewolf-proof creatures.

James let out a surprisingly human grunt of pain as he slipped going up the stairs. Stags just weren't built for this. Sirius was having much less difficulty, and Peter was having a very easy time of it. Of course, that was because the bite-sized boy was riding in James' antlers, above the level of Remus' teeth. _The only problem with this,_ Sirius thought,_ is that we can't talk._ They were actually counting on Sirius' dog being close enough to a werewolf to communicate with Remus once they found him. Just because they couldn't be transformed by a bite didn't mean they couldn't get eaten. Sirius, with a nose many times as powerful as usual, was easily able to track Remus through the house, and eventually cornered him in what had probably been a living room once. James and Peter dropped behind him, and Sirius led the way inside, keeping his ears forward and his tail wagging softly, exuding an air of sweet, gentle friendliness.

Unfortunately, the werewolf that bowled him across the room wasn't quite so welcoming. Sirius yipped, scrabbling out from the wreckage of the end table he'd crashed into. Remus was standing there, one ear turned back to the stag in the doorway, but most of his attention focused on the dog squirming in front of him. Very, very carefully, Sirius got to his feet, keeping his head low and tail wagging. Clearly, the submissive doggy look wasn't getting anywhere, as Remus started to growl and drool slightly at the prospect of chewing someone else's flesh for a change.

Throwing caution to the winds, Sirius decided to try something much more direct. He bounded forward and bit the wolf on the ear, prancing off and sinking into a play-bow. Remus was momentarily stunned, then whirled around to face the grinning dog. In the door, James felt Peter fall out of his antlers with shock, sliding down his neck. James closed his eyes, and sent up a silent prayer for his idiotic, incautious friend. When he opened them again, and turned his head so one eye could focus on the dog in the corner (it had taken him three hours to figure out eyes on the sides of his head), he was frozen with fear.

Remus had just covered the entire room in two leaps, and landed squarely on top of Sirius. What really surprised them all was that Remus rolled off him, and bowed back. At least, he did for two seconds, and then cuffed Sirius behind the ear and skipped playfully off across the room. The dog shook his head to clear the stars floating in his eyes and chased after him. Breathing a sigh of relief, James also stepped in, making sure to act calm, happy, and playful. Maybe a little _too_ playful. He pranced a little too hard and put a hind leg right through the decrepit floor. Burning with embarassment under his glossy, dignified fur, James struggled out of the hole, ignoring the amused squeaks of the rat that had rolled onto the floor, and the huffing of the dog rolling on his back with hilarity.

What made it all worth it, however, was the eyes of the werewolf looking at him. He could see amusement in those eyes, eyes that weren't quite a rabid beast's anymore. And when Peter meandered out from behind James' bulk, there was shock and joy in them too as he recognized his friends for what they were. It might be faint, but Remus was still alive in there. James tossed his head happily, knocking into a chandelier. As they all laughed at him trying to extract his antlers from the rings of old candles, James knew they'd get him all the way out, eventually. _And then what fun they'd have... _


End file.
